OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
