My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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