giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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