If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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