i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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