we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
