all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
