I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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