After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
