Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
