I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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