the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
