I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
