I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
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