how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
