I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
