Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
