i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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