i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
