I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
