She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
