Buhtt sex?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
