The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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