Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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