So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
