i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The struggles of a small town man whore
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
