there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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