Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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