do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
