Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
