I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
