i can't believe i had my finger in that
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
