peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
