Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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