Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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