hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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