we're chasing vodka with high fives
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm really busy with my period
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