i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just want to make out with him forever
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