making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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