Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
