omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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