I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
