we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
