Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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