I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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