if only i could text you this smell
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you didnt know i had herpes?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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