Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
