Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had to cum in my sink.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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