I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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