Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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