kristin has been a bad kristin
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
